Depression...Or, blue is the new black

Depression.

Yes, there, I said it. Depression is a powerful word with many connotations and meanings. There are so many myths and misunderstandings about what depression is, what it means when you feel it, and what to do with it when it comes up in your life, or the life of a loved one. There is certainly permission to toss it around lightly, but there is also a heavy and uncomfortable stigma associated with using it in a serious sense. It is a misunderstood concept and there is a lot of misinformation out there about what depression is, what it isn't, and how to go about accepting or facing it, managing it, or being supportive of someone who seems to be struggling with it. The treacherous thing about all of this is that as many as one in ten people will experience at least one episode of clinically significant depression in their lifetime, and I think that statistic is conservative. I think that most of us will experience depression in our lifetime, whether we call it that or not. 

So I think it is an excellent thing to talk about. 

Let's start by establishing a working definition of depression...

There is being in a bad mood because something bad is going on in your world. This is what is usually referred to as situational depression, or more clinically, adjustment disorder, because "bummed out" isn't acceptable as a diagnosis by insurance companies. 

If the bad thing going on in your world is really significant to you, especially if it involves a loss (could be a person, a situation, a place, anything meaningful to you), then it may fall into the category of grief. Most grief fits under the umbrella of situational depression, but not all situational depression can be defined as grief. 

Are you still with me? 

This is a great way to look at the feelings of depression and grief. 

So, it is only reasonable to assume that most of us will go through periods of depression that are brought on by circumstances. With a label, we can do identify the issue, but no label fits each persons set of feelings, so just use this definition as a point of understanding. 

Sometimes these circumstances are life altering enough to fit into the category of grief. Sometimes not. 

Let me just say right here, that grief is powerful, and it follows no linear process. Most of us, especially if we have endured the loss of a loved one, have been made aware of the stages of grief written about by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and we will get to those in another post shortly. 

Back to situational depression, whether you are feeling it as part of grieving or simply because it is a reaction to your inner or outer environment. Depression can become noticeable as the result of any number of things, but  know it is real and can, especially if it is unexpected, really derail your life as you know it. 

Now, the taboo. Depression is hard to feel, hard to hide, hard to deal with, and sometimes most of all, hard for others to deal with when they (or we) see it in others. This makes it even harder to accept that you, or someone you care about, may, in fact, be depressed. And then how to reach out to others for...support? Assistance? Understanding? Help? 

A lot of the time, if we do choose to share or find ourselves explaining to somebody close because they have noticed a change in our mood or habits, we get a lot of (usually) well meaning advice, which ultimately makes us feel more alienated. I think we have all made that call to a friend or loved one to share (or just vent) about feeling down or sad or overwhelmed and gotten the, "Well, at least you aren't like Uncle Mike, you know his cancer came back and Aunt Jean is having an affair, and..." or some other horrific tale of woe that seems designed to make you feel like an idiot for having a hard time. Usually the intention to make you feel better, to remind you to be grateful that you aren't in somebody else's shoes whose life seems to be worse than yours. It is actually a way for the listener to comfort themselves, because your emotions are making them feel uncomfortable in some way. It can also make us feel that the reason we are depressed is somehow because of something we aren't managing to do, like look on the bright side...right? 

Know what I mean?

Don't get me wrong, compassion and gratitude can be helpful tools in combatting the blocks that depression can put in your path. But what matters first is that you are acknowledged, and that although of course things could probably be worse, that this is pretty bad for you, maybe the worst thing that has happened to you, so for you, the fact that someone else might be hurting doesn't really help.  

I always say, I know things could be worse, but for me, this is the worst thing I can imagine going on. And I am the one in it, so it counts. 

Some of the most common symptoms that you may be depressed are:

• Disturbance in your usual sleeping patterns or appetite. Some people can't sleep when they are depressed, and some people sleep too much. The same goes with your appetite. Eating more or less than usual is the issue, and with both sleep and appetite the change depends on what is normal for you. 
• Sad mood, characterized by lack of energy, becoming tearful easily or often, and general gloominess. 
• Lack of motivation. In real terms, not being able to do the things you usually do, or the inability to start new things even if you feel like you want to. 
• Not taking pleasure in things you normally would, or that you know you should be enjoying but just aren't. 

These are just some of the most common signs that your brain and body may be suffering from a bout of depression. Where did it come from? Why is it happening? What do you have to do to get back to normal, to make it stop? Well, this is one of the things that therapy is for. Thousands of people have spent their whole lives studying the phenomenon of depression, and a professional can help you sort through your own situation and begin a plan to let you gat back to what you feel is a better and more natural place to be. 

Have you ever been depressed? Were you grieving? What, if anything, helped you get through it, or are you still there? 

Come on, let's talk about it! There are solutions out there. They start here. 

Feel free to comment and discuss. Thank you for reading.